How do you begin to decide what direction to go in your career? In life? Especially when you are 50…and living in a foreign country on an “independent income” visa?
I had jumped off the train, tucked, rolled, and landed - slightly rumpled around the edges and a bit bleary-eyed but otherwise unscathed. Actually, much better than simply unscathed - I felt happy, peaceful, excited!
Literally, I was now living in Portugal in a marvelously empty apartment, other than the lava-like mounds of things that had erupted from the duffle bags strewn about the space after being dug through in search of some particular life-sustaining item needed at various moments - toothbrush, outlet converter thingy, wine opener, something to use as a pillow…
Speaking of essentials, my longtime friend Greta flew over with me to provide comic relief, companionship, and help wrangle everything from one side of the Atlantic to the other.
Before we left, I imagined us hiking through the forested hills outside of Setúbal, doing yoga or reading on the beach, lounging and laughing nights away at cafés…Since she has experience moving to other countries, she knew this was not happening. I’m not sure why she didn’t clue me in. Maybe she thought I knew. Or maybe it's one of those things that you can try to explain, but until it happens to you, you just don’t get it. Like having kids. Or being 100 miles into a 200 mile road trip and your favorite ice cream stand has vanished. Still, we managed to squeeze in some cavorting and even a day trip to Cascais.
Anyhoo…
Like me, Greta is highly creative and a bit zany. During her two-week stay, she misted me with possibilities from her bountiful fountain of ideas. Mingled with my own ideas, a buffet of life experiences, and the impending proceeds from selling my house, I was blessed to have an array of choices to consider.
Figuratively I was at an intersection in a vast open space, multiple options fanning out in every direction. Some of the roads had seemingly clear beginnings until fading into the horizon, others were just glimmers - suggesting, hinting, rather than actually being roads. The proverbial landscape seem to stretch out endlessly, mingling into the enormous sky, like in the desert of the southwest or overlooking the ocean. You can see forever, yet not see at the same time.
I considered a variety of income producing ideas.
Which, of course, brings us back to the question: “How to decide what now?”
It's usually best to start at the beginning (damn, now I have Julie Andrews singing in my head). Ironically, the beginning is actually figuring out where you want to end up- your metaphorical “West.”
If you are a United Statesian,1 your first thoughts are likely to be something along the lines of “I want to be a (doctor, dog walker, CEO of xyz…), or maybe “I want to be rich and famous.” However, these types of answers aren’t likely to be satisfying or useful, regardless of whether you want to arrive at your goal as quickly as possible, enjoying the scenery, or take some side roads along the way.
The idea of “going west” as a metaphor for pursuing dreams is not new. Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT)2 offers a slightly different take on it with its “west coast” metaphor- your west coast is your desired destination. You then consider whether your choices will move you towards or away from that place. It took me almost a year of using this metaphor to figure out there isn’t actually a “there” there- which means there’s nowhere to park the car and proclaim “I’m here!” It’s not a goal.
To define my West, and help keep me headed that direction, I replaced “What do I do?” with:
What do I value most (in general, and prioritize a given context)?
Some examples: serving others, protecting oneself, contributing to the community, keeping an immaculate home, being productive, being in charge…
How do I want to show up in the world - to others, to myself?
Examples: compassionate, authoritative, cooperative, competitive, trusting and/or trustworthy, savvy, life of the party, smart….
What can I do to embody my values?
Examples: Bring soup to a sick friend in service to my value of having meaningful friendships and showing up in the world with kindness. Take Luna to the beach in service to my values of self care and giving my dog a good life.
The answers to these were my West. And once I figured that out, the question of what to do solved itself.
Almost…
What is your West?
What are you doing to get (to the not-there) there?
Let us know!
This made up word is cumbersome, but I feel the conceptual trade-off is worth it - I don’t like referring to people living in the United States as Americans as if we are the only people living on the American continents.
If you are interested in learning more about the skills focused, empiracally based practice of ACT, here are a few resources:
I like your writing style, and I'm thrilled to follow your great adventure to a lifestyle that has so much more to offer than the one in the US.
A most beautiful beginning to a new life of wonder and discovery! XO